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Can men and women be friends?
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larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
16 votes
14 debaters
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12
Yes they can


marcopolo
Feb 01, 2010
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Of course my wife trusts me. We trust each other. If we didn't we wouldnt be married. I am capable of being alone in a room with a woman without jumping all over her. Are you not capable of this?
I am not sure what your marital satus is now but if you are married it sounds like there is a major problem there.

 
marcopolo
Feb 01, 2010
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

How much time should I give it? I have been married for 28 years. Sorry I am not much of a movie watcher but even when I do see a movie I am able to distinguish between the movie and reality. I am not a psychoanalist but based on what you are saying perhaps a little professional help wouldn't do you any harm.

 
armitage
Feb 02, 2010
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

I have to agree with Christine on this one. You refuse to accept that some men have a different point of view than yours. I only have one woman friend. We don't talk about football and racing. Then again I don't talk about racing with anyone. Cars driving around and around? How long could that conversation even be?
Perhaps the expansion of your limited coversational skills may open you up to having a discussion with a woman without sniffing her crotch like a dog.
I neither a geek or a redneck. You must be a fun guy in the business world crawling around under the boardroom table checking out the women.
If the opinions you are stating here are ones you honestly hold it does seem pathetic. I am more inclined to think you are trying to stir the pot. If it is the former then I think your best bet for a relationship will be based on an hourly rate.

 
accipiter
Feb 03, 2010
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

I am confused about a couple of your comments. I take it, from your comments, that you have never had a woman as a friend. Do you therefore stand by the opinion that no man and no woman have ever been friends? I have never been to the moon but I believe that someone has been there.
Internet dating sites were created to get people together for romantic purposes not for friendships.
The subject of the debate is whether or not men and women can be friends and not whether or not people lie. I feel pretty certain that everyone on this site knows someone of both sexes who lie. I know many people, even people I consider to be very good friends, who lie. So if you are wishing to debate whether or not a man and a woman can be friends then try to stick to that point.
The other point about whether or not people can judge your character is sheer folly. We judge the value of character in others every day. You are not exempt from judgment based on the serving in the military or on some police force. Based on your argument, all people serving in the military or for the police are above reproach. History has shown that to be totally false. Working for the military or police are only jobs. You got paid for doing what you were told to do. Did you agree with every order you follow? Following orders, blindly, has never been a basis for me to judge the character of a person.
The fact that you are on here stating your opinion shows that you have the right to do so. Nobody ever promised you the right to state your opinion with impunity. No more so than you attacking the opinions of those with whom you disagree. I am wondering what rights of yours you feel have been trampled upon. Exactly what rights have you secured for us? It’s time to quit taking yourself so seriously. You had a job in the military. I am not an American nor is everyone else on the site. Some people here are actually from some of the countries the United States has invaded. It’s time to stop the phony patriotism in order to try and score some points on a totally unrelated subject.


 
notreallysure
Feb 01, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

So is your arugment that you can't be friends with a woman with whom you have had a previous relationship or you can't be friends with a woman?
Obviously you can't be friends with this woman but does that mean you can't be friends any woman? Surely you have met men you could never be friends with so following your argument you can't be friends with men either.
Your arguement is way too specific with too many generalizations.

 
notreallysure
Feb 01, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

That really makes me wonder what kinds of friends you have that you can't be friends with a woman with sex being part of it. If you have so little control over your hormones perhaps you should limit your circle of friends to men only. I have to wonder if the same applies to your married friends. Can you not be friends with a couple or does sex come in to it there too?

 
marcopolo
Feb 01, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

She didn't say anything about lying. She was commenting on being able to be friends with the opposite sex. I have 4 good friends who happen to be women. 2 are married and 2 are not. My wife has no problem with these friendships. Sounds like you have more trust issues than anything else.

 
christine
Feb 02, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Nobody in here has denied that men and women are different. Your arguement seems to be that any man who has a woman for a friend is a brainwashed geek. I guess your assumption is that all men are the same and everyone of them think exactly the way you do.
Even with this enlightened point of view you still seem to be alone? What a surprise.

 
melody
Feb 06, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

For those of us who have evolved past the point of being rutting pigs, friendships with the opposite sex is possible.

 
rebirth
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Of course men and women are able to be friends. One anecdote doesn't change that and generally I find that anecdotes are unilateral and questionable. Not all women fit your description. Granted, some are just rotten, but there are many others which do have some sense of integrity.

 
rebirth
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Again, you are generalizing. Your experiences alone do not represent the experience of all other people.

 
christine
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Wow you really have that little control over your hormones? Nobody ever claimed men didn't look. Newsflash for you ... Women look too. I am able to be friends with somebody who is attractive and sexually appealing without ripping my clothes off. Who knows maybe when you get out of your teens and actually are mature enough to have an actual friendship you may look back at your comments here and get a smile.

 
christine
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

I have no idea what you mean by "feel something and not feel something". So sad you have to eliminate half the population from a potential friendship pool.

 
rebirth
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Simply because your relationship was beset with failure and you are unsuccessful with women does not mean that you have any merit at all in your misogynistic tirades. I understand you are upset, but please stop.

 
denise
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

hey relax everybody larryt is just trying to get a reaction from u all
no way he can be that big of a loser

 
rebirth
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

This will be my last argument on this topic as I see little point in squandering my cogent arguments on this nonsense. I understand you are a fairly new, and probably young, member of this website. I don't mean any disrespect at all, but I will not mince words. Please mature and cease venting your personal frustrations on a serious debate website.

 
frankiej4189
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Eventually, and this is a 99% CERTAINTY, either the man get feelings for the woman, or the woman will get feelings for the man. 99% CERTAINTY! Guys and gals can be friends, but you have to make the very real assumption that at one point either you will like your opposite sex friend or they will like you.

 
Brett Stubbs
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: historyguy Show

That's not always true. Attraction doesn't always exist. Just because I am a "guy" doesn't mean I'm attracted to every female I interact with.

 
jessie33
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Being attracted to someone and having a sexual relationship with them are two different things. It's called having morals. You mean to tell me that every friend of the opposite sex that you've ever had ended up in the bed room? Married or not? Whether your in a relationship or not?

 
jessie33
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Why do couples stray and seek others? People often do because they lack something in their relationship, maybe in your past experiences you did not make your woman happy. It sounds to me that you really hate woman and you probably hate yourself as well. It seems that if a good woman would kick you in the ass you wouldn't know what to do with her other than accuse her of being unfaithful because that seems to be your mentality.You brought up the movie Doubt in your earlier discussion, wasn't the plot really about a nun that was so sure that the priest was doing the unthinkable? She spent her whole time trying to prove it and she couldn't, then when he finally ruined him she had Doubts!! Not every man or woman thinks like you. Not every man or woman has a wandering eye and labido like you. You mean to tell me that men and woman in net working groups are screwing each other? Maybe where you hang out! So when men go to watch the game they are really not watching the game? Maybe where you hang out! With you mentality you are going to die a very very lonely man!! I've learned in the past that it is he who feels guilt and that it is he who needs to soothe his own soul......
Maybe by a debate such as this....

 
jessie33
Feb 03, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Serving our country, I hope that everyone on this site as well as I commend you for that. I only hope that you respect your badge more than you respect woman. I only wish for you that you could appreciate a woman that is willing to worship you from the ground up!

Until then...good luck

Back to the subject...YES men and woman can be friends....
It takes two to tango...as long as one or the other is happy there is no reason to tango!!!!























































































































































 
cloudburst2000
Feb 03, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
I have plenty of male friends. I'd argue that more of my male friends are closer to me than female friends are. Sure, I think a couple of the guys are cute, but it doesn't go beyond that. I might think they are cute or handsome, but I don't want any type of romantic/sexual relationship with them. Am I the only one who can find someone of the opposite sex pleasing to the eye but not want to jump in bed with them? And on that note, I'd say I'm a fairly attractive female. I've only ever had one male friend hit on me and I told him that I just wanted to be friends. He actually seemed cool with it and we still hang out. I'm buddies with my several male friends. I have alot of interests that my girl friends just don't share...I love Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan movies, bad b-horror movies, sci-fi, playing pool, playing pick-up games of basketball, etc. I do these activities with my male buddies. If I want to watch romance and other girly-movies, then I do that with my female friends. I really think my guy friends see me as one of the guys because I act like one of them when I'm around them. Like I said, I'm fairly attractive, but I'm no girly-girl. I tend to mostly wear comfy clothes...jeans, band t-shirts, sneakers. I don't dress sexy around my guy friends. I don't accentuate my figure, etc. Maybe the fact that I don't go out of my way to accentuate my femaleness around them helps them see me as 'one of the guys'. Sure, like any girl sometimes I like to dress up, and I love shoes and purses. But when I do dress up in a form-fitting dress or a mini-skirt, I do that when I'm out with my female friends like if we go to a nice restaraunt or out to a dancing bar. But usually, I'm just a jeans girl. I think that may be the problem with some male/female friendships if that some girls try to accentuate their femininity even around their guy friends. I don't, and I think that's why I've never really had any problems having a guy friend.

 
cloudburst2000
Feb 03, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

Okay, in your case, it sounds like maybe you got in with a girl who 'claimed' someone was her friend but was really more than that. Definitely, more than that at one point in time. I tend to agree with you that it IS hard to just be friends with someone that you have previously been in a relationship with. Now that said, that does NOT mean that girls and guys can't be 'just friends'. Like I already said, I have plenty of guy friends, but I've never been in a relationship with ANY of them. I don't hang out with guys who I've dated. It's just feels weird. I think that your topic should not have been 'Can Men and Women Be Friends?' It should have been, 'Can two people who were in a relationship truly be 'just friends' once the relationship is over?'. I think you may have had alot more support for your side with that question.

 
jessie33
Feb 03, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
ya know

 
cloudburst2000
Feb 05, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: larryt700 Show

But you are only talking about extreme cases here. In normal everyday life, men and women can be just friends. Your argument for men and women being unable to be 'just friends' is that in certain extreme cirumstances (stranded on a deserted island), a man and a woman will probably sleep with each other though they normally wouldn't so, therefore, they cannot really be friends. Then my rebuttal is that as you mentioned many men in prisons where they are only around other males for years are definitely more apt to develop sexual relationships even though they would never consider a homosexual relationship in normal everyday life. According to you, women and men can't be friends because they might sleep together if stranded on a deserted island together. If that's your argument then you would have to agree that men cannot truly be just friends because if they are only around other men for years they are definitely more likely to develop homosexual relationships. You can't argue for one but not the other without it being a double standard. Either both arguments mean that no one can truly be friends because under very extreme circumstances that they might sleep together...or that these arguments have nothing to do with men/women and men/men being just friends in normal everyday life. I, of course, think this argument holds no water. People will do many things they would never do in extreme circumstances. Think about that group of rugby players that crashed in the Andes and had to eat the dead to stay alive. They would never think of doing something like that in everyday life, but they were put in a situation where is was either that or death. Extreme circumstances lead to extreme actions. They can't be applied to everyday life.

 
+ Add Argument

4
No they can't


larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: notreallysure Show

You are obviously a female and I think you are naive to how men think. You really think that men don't look at other men's wives and girlfriends? Honestly

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
The reason why I brought this up is due to a recent relationship that I was in. I dated this young lady who worked two jobs. She primarily worked in a restaurant and she also worked as a personal trainer. Initially the personal trainer job was for a friend who owns a gym but was only a friend. However, when we first started dating, it seemed that everywere we went, her 'friend' who was also her boss would show up with his girlfriend of two and a half years. Suddenly, one weekend we had an argument and she didn't answer her cell phone for quite sometime, which was from about 5 in the afternoon until ten at night. A week later, everything was on the mend and she admitted that she simply went to have sushi and her 'friend' just happened to show up again, but this time he was by himself. When she finally admitted to having a relationship with this person two and a half years earlier, she begged me not to let his girlfriend know. My issue with this is that I can tell by the way they act around each other that there is still something on-going. It is not my place to correct the situation but I truly think that I should steer clear of this person. I found myself because of knowing consciously and subconsciously, lashing out at her in variious ways which was not healthy. However, she would always put it back on me as being paranoid but ironically, she never actually denied having the relationship.

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: notreallysure Show

I agree... Every relationship between a man and a woman that is 'friendly,' always ends up with one wanting more. I use to think that it was possible but after years of seeing those friendships go awry, I have realized that the sexual thing is just too great to ignore.

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: christine Show

Teens? I am almost fifty years old... LOL

Really, I use to think that we could be friends without any problems but over the years and seeing so many seemingly wonderful marriages end up with one or both cheating, so on and so forth; my opinion simply changed. I wish that I believed that men and women could be friends! I really do! But the fact is, over time I think that we would all come to the conclusion that eventually, one will venture over the line or wish to pursue more, even if just for one minute....

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: rebirth Show

Maybe I am 'generalizing' but those of you who think that your cases are unique.... Well, please don't get blind sided by the truth someday...

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: christine Show

Newsflash for you! Women lie just as much as men do, so please don't throw your condascending, I can be attracted to someone and not feel anything or do anything BS. That is about as dumb as a box of rocks saying that I can feel something but not feel something at the same time!

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: marcopolo Show

Your wife trusts you? Wow, that's great! So, do you hang out with these single women, do they babysit your kids or do you go on trips with them as if they were guy friends? What if you were stuck at their house during a snow storm and couldn't make it home? I would like to hear this one...

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: marcopolo Show

I hope I am not going to receive a bill for all of this psycho-analysis. Give it time! You will see exactly what I am talking about over time. Have you ever seen the movie "Doubt"? In that movie, a mother knew that her son was being molested by a priest and accepted it. Out of all of the 'relationships' where people mess around, I use to think that the spouse truly had to know but now I am realizing that they are just accepting it because they deserve no better.


I am happy for everyone who says that they can be friends. I wish I lived in that sort of dream world but reality has proven time and time again that, that is not the case at all and things eventually move into what I can and cannot get away with over time.

Anyone ever see "Bridges of Madison County"? Good movie huh? Kind of made it seem ok to have an affair.

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: rebirth Show

Stop? Are you bothered personally because everyone here lies? I am telling it straight up and everyone knows it. Ask Mr. I was married 28 years how many times he cheated and how many times he thought about cheating. Then look at the divorce rate and realize that it simply isn't natural for people to be in a relationship with just one person.

 
larryt700
Feb 01, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: denise Show

Loser? Really? Just because I am telling the truth. I just call it like I see it. I use to have this euphoric image of women until I discovered that they are just as devious and deceptive as any guy. What is funny about women is that they do the same things as guys do, yet guys brag about it and women keep it secret.

 
larryt700
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: rebirth Show

Oh please! You resign to the fact that you cannot debate with condascending rhetoric like, "You are new and probably young." Oh don't even place yourself above anyone else and resign to winning this argument because you are absolutely naive and any guy who lies on here is simply saying what women want to hear so they can eventually get the opportunity to get into their pants. It is so pathetic how brainwashed some of these men are and if they are that much of a geek, then fine but the truth is that men and women were made differently! Deny it all you want to but the facts are what they are!

 
historyguy
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
There is just too much sexual tension to have a meaningful friendship.

 
historyguy
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: Brett Stubbs Show

I think science is against you. There are a lot of hormones at work to try and prove you wrong!

 
larryt700
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: Brett Stubbs Show

Not 'ALWAYS' true. Then what reason would there be to interact with a woman? You guys talk about football? not... Racing? Not... Working out? Likely Not... Drinks, movie, a weekend getaway, walks on the beach, ... yada, yada, yada... Well then now you are talking! lol

 
larryt700
Feb 02, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: jessie33 Show

Wandering eyes? Labido? Feelings of guilt? I don't have any anger, fear, anxiety or anything like that. I just know women better than most men and I can assure you that they lie just as much as men, just in different capacities and about different subjects. If you don't believe me, go onto an internet dating site and look at all of the pictures from the seventies, then look at their ages. Approximately 90 percent of the women on those sites lie about their age. Most everyone lies about a previous relationship saying that they haven't dated for two years, when in fact; it has only been a couple of weeks or so. I wish people would debate on the issues and why they feel that way instead of attacking me. No one is going to change my opinion because of my experiences and no one can judge my character because I fought for this country, spent twelve years in the military and as a police officer, dealt with hundreds of gang members in one of the most gang infested cities in the country. However, I guess I have yet to do enough to earn a right to my own opinion... Figures, I hope you appreciate the rights I secured for you as you trample on mine!

 
larryt700
Feb 04, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: jessie33 Show

I had no idea that you were someone I was in love with... Wow, what a small world... Happy anniversary to you too sweetheart!

 
larryt700
Feb 05, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: accipiter Show

Having an opinion and being able to express it is an unrelated subject??? Phony patriotism? YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!! Wow, there are idiots among us!

 
larryt700
Feb 05, 2010
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: cloudburst2000 Show

That is another facet of the argument, but yes, that could be a separate argument altogether. In the specific case I am speaking of, she was in a relationship with a guy with whom she is currently friends with. However, she made it a specific point to hide and lie about that relationship until one night, it was revealed in a huge way! I guess it boils more down to dishonesty than anything else. I do have friends who are female, with whom I have absolutely no sexual interest in whatsoever. However, it would be totally different if I had a previous relationship or were attracted to them in some way. I remember doing a research project on sex offenders and I spoke to one of the doctors who was assigned to the project. He explained about incest that ALL people of the opposite sex, if they spent enough time together, would likely and I emphasize 'LIKELY' be drawn together sexually at some time. We can argue that point until we are blue in the face but the argument about a deserted island is mute until you are actually on that deserted island. The doctor also brought up the point about prisons. Deprivation of human contact and isolation make people react and respond in different ways. Look at prisons for example and explain why absolutely straight men defer to other men for sexual gratification and yet still consider themselves straight. People argue against that example saying, "They are just a bunch of animals" or "They have mental issues," but the truth is that they are an example of normal and natural human beings who are placed in an unnatural and inhuman environment.

 


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