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leaving everything behind
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binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
5 votes
7 debaters
4
2
1
1


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3
Leveing everything behind to start over


littleminx
Nov 21, 2008
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: binkyninja Show

How is leaving "taking it out on someone"..... I understand that its difficult for friends and family to let go but one cannot be selfish.

One doesn't want to let go of a friend because they will be sad and upset that they were left behind. They want to keep that person around because it makes them happy......and yet, they fail to see that the person they hold on to so tight is unhappy.

I know that your past will be with you no matter where you go...but sometimes a move is for the best.

I have known many people that left the nest sort to speak...and are much happier despite the fact that they left everything behind.

Look at it this way.....Would you rather keep your friend there under false pretenses or let him/her go to find their path in life on their own???....

 
littleminx
Nov 19, 2008
1 convinced
Rebuttal
I think ultimately its that person choice.

If one decides to move one and get away, why not?...obviously friends and family will always, always, reject that decision because they want you there....not because its best for that individual but to serve their selfishness of having you around, despite your unhappiness.

In a way a person is running away from guilt, shame and whatever else there is.....but can you blame someone for doing so?

Who are we to judge what that person is feeling and how deep their emotions run....no one is the same, where one person can deal with something another might ultimately break down.






 
littleminx
Nov 19, 2008
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: binkyninja Show

Sometimes words can be just as detrimental as a physical wound.

Tell me, if your loved one said something really awful towards you...would you judge him in anyway??? Would you think that he/she was being an ass???...sometimes we underestimate the power of our words, especially when they are derived at someone that loves us deeply....A wrong word, a misunderstanding, bad communication and that's how anguish, fights and wars are started.

People want to hang on to their friends no matter what...even if they fail to see that persons unhappiness.

 
yourfavoriteasian
Nov 20, 2008
1 convinced
Rebuttal
Both sides are right to a point.

There isn't really a clean slate, especially if its a problem you want to run from. In my life I've learned that running doesn't help, drinking makes it worse, and doing both gets you hit (and if you live in Chicago, running gets very cold, very fast). Accept your flaws, accept your mistakes, forgive yourself, regret nothing. Your true friends will be there no matter what.

But also sometimes a big move is what you need to move on. For me, being stagnant, seeing the same faces, same buildings gets really boring. I took a big chance when I left Chi for a better job. Unfortunately the job sucked, so I moved again (but not back to Chi) and am happier than I was and have met new friends and I still keep in touch with everyone back home.

Littleminx is right and it ultimately your decision. My advice, however, is to tie up the loose ends first and when you move, make sure you know someone. Being alone, with a head full of problems, in a place you are unfamiliar with, is a very difficult place to be in.

 
xanthippa
Nov 22, 2008
1 convinced
Rebuttal
It really depends on your circumstances.

I was a refugee. My family was seriously persecuted for taking moral stands. We left.

We left everything and everyone behind. After some time in a refuge camp, we arrived in Canada with only a suitcase each and a couple of hundred dollars between us.

We had some government support. We had incredible help from really good people. We made a good life here. Now, I help others who come to make a fresh start here. Most of the people coming here now are fleeing Sharia Law, but they are just like I was in so many ways!!!

There are times when staying is just not a responsible thing to do to your family - no matter how hard leaving everything and everyone is. Yet, there are good people everywhere, and we can make a good life for ourselves and our families in new and different places, no matter how frightening the prospect may be.


 
freesoul
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Ok...im the friend he is talking about and i want my side heard... Sometimes a persons past is tied to people and places that bring back horribal memories, and an opertunity to go with friends away from everything lands in your lap, a chance at a new start and clean slate. Yes I would be in the minority but I've been around mexicans alot and i was raised to see people not colors. And dosent every big city have gangs nowdays..how is it diffrent from Chicago? So if you had a bad history, and a chance at a new start litteraly lands in your lap wouldent you take it?

 
freesoul
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: binkyninja Show

Whats imaginary about guilt, and about that guilt beeing there everytime you see something or someone from your past?

 
freesoul
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: binkyninja Show

I wont see people i know iv hurt... i wont see the places I use to hang with friends that are dead now....i wont have to constantly be around things that remind me how much i feel i dont desirve to be here...Because i dont...iv been told its survivors guilt..but i just with i could get away from everything that reminds me of people i was close to that iv lost and moveing to texas i wont see those places or people..i wont see a frend of mines daughter who has to grow up without her father becasue of something I did

 
freesoul
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: binkyninja Show

your one to talk...you moved around alot as a kid...i didnt i was stuck in one place. One place where nothing chanes..can you blame me for craving change? and no i didnt pull the trigger but my actions are why someone did.

 
amonkey
Nov 22, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
it should be that persons choice. no one but the person can determine if their choices will make them happy in the end.

 
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2
staying where the person is


binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
2 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: freesoul Show

there is no such thing as a clean slate your past will be with you wherever u go u are just running from an imaginary problem.

 
binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
my friend is, in my opinion, being stupid. she is gonna move to texas to a place where she will be in the minority. 13% of the entire town is white. mostly gang territory. not far from the mexican border. leaveing everything behind, includeing family and friends. most people tell her to stay. What do you think?


 
binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: freesoul Show

so the thing is your saying you see your problems everywhere you look what's gonna be different about texas, what is gonna be different there that you don't see here.

 
binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: freesoul Show

we've been through this a thousand times. did u actually pull the trigger? cuz if u didn't there is nothing to worry about. your just running away again.

 
binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: freesoul Show

it wasn't by choice that i moved around as a kid. i would have been glad to stay in one place with all my friends. and yes i can blame u for craving change. and one more thing people say stupid sh*t all the time. its by ones actions that we are judged.

 
binkyninja
Nov 19, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: littleminx Show

just because someone is unhappy doesn't mean that they have to take it out on their friends and family around them. there have been countless times that u have taken your anger out on us, we haven't said anything because that would just make u more angry.

do u really think where u will go ur going to be happy? ur holding onto the guilt of what happened like it is your child. wherever u go u will always have that with you. whether u stay here, go to texas or LA u will always be unhappy because u are unwilling to let go.

 
cheerleader4life
Nov 21, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: freesoul Show

there are so many people that have moved around in their lifetime. so many people that are forced to. but that doesn't change anything. just because of someone's actions doesn't make you responsible for their actions. it was their choice, not yours to do anything.

like binkyninja said wherever u will go u will always see and feel your problems. all your doing is running from an imaginary problem, that u have created in your head, to get rid of the pain and guilt that you think you caused.

wherever you will go you will always have problems. whether they are old ones or new ones. what will happen if you have problems in texas, you gonna run away from that too. all your doing is being a fugitive, and running from yourself.

 
binkyninja
Nov 26, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
Rebuttal to: xanthippa Show

ok not saying that refugees should stay. i hold nothing against them but if your running away from PERSONAL problems its stupid and pointless.

 
cheerleader4life
Dec 01, 2008
0 convinced
Rebuttal
a little update on this situation..freesoul did end up leaving in the end, but we got a call from her, and her pretty much telling us that we were right, and that she should have listened to us.

 


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