While it may be an act of "just being friendly" or something unintentional, it's definitely a disrespectful practice to call someone such a "laid back" term without actually knowing them and only speaking with them for the first time.
This goes for business AND just on the street. It obviously pertains MORE towards business-environments but still disrespectful in all situations.
I'm not saying that it "bothers" me per-say when people do it, since I tend to be laid back. But taking this scenario: I walk into a grocery store and grab a few things, I get rung out by a cashier (doesn't matter WHO the person is) and after the transaction they say to me, "Thank you sweetie, have a nice day!"
Of course at first I thnk nothing of it but then it just dawns on me that this person has never met me before and I'm being called "sweetie?" I understand it's just a word but arent there MANY words in our language that are offensive and disrespectful? (B*tch, wh*re, etc)
So calling someone hun or sweetie is an act of disrespect.
Derek wrote: "But overall things to consider:
1) They said the word as a kind gesture. Not an intentional
2) Even if you don't like the word, will it hurt you.
You complain over the little things in life. Those same little
things in life most people enjoy. Be an optimist."
1) That's like someone interrupting a conversation and then apologizing for being rude and disrespectful. Although it was UNintentional, it DID happen and was disrespectful at the time. It doesn't have to be intentional or not to be disrespectful.
If I forget to thank a cashier who goes out of her way to run out back and do a price check for me, and then run back in and apologize; does that make the act any more or less rude AS IT HAPPENED? No, it was rude at the time, I fixed it, end of story.
2) I guess you missed the part in my opening argument where I said "I'm not saying that it "bothers" me per-say when people do it, since I tend to be laid back."
Whether something bothers us or not, or gets "fixed" or not, doesn't make the original act any more or less respectful.
There are PLENTY of scenarios where the level of disrespect varies.
I mean, if I'm at a grocery store with my fiancee and the cashier (a young 21 yr old girl) says "thank you sweetie." that's not disrespectful with my future wife standing right there??
Or if a vice versa scenario occurs.
The lowest extreme would be say a 65 yr old man saying it to a young woman (theN again that would just be sketchy!) but do you see the point? No matter how the situation plays out, I HONESTLY do not see a time where calling someone "sweetie" or "hun (hon)" after meeting them for the first time, is appropriate.
I remember one time... (yes guys, another personal story of mine!), I was hanging out with a friend (a fairly new one at that, we'd only been friends for a few months), and I dropped him off at his house and said "I'll see you later, buddy." and he FLIPPED at me for calling him buddy! Talk about homophobic! He raised his voice and said, "Don't you EVER call me buddy again!" and I just shut right up and kinda laughed inside.
I guess it would have been a different scenario if I had called him sweetie!....LOL
"Talk about homophobic!"
I failed to mention that I calmly explained to him that I was straight so we were cool!
But my point was that sometimes people need to watch their choice of words, seriously.
rhys said: "I call people "hun" or "sweetie" sometimes but i don't mean it disrespectfully. how can i be disrespectful if my intentions are pure? Its true you can interpret it as being disrespectful, but that dosent MAKE it disrespect."
Ok, here's the thing: I understand they are "JUST WORDS." but there are plenty of situations where "just words" hurt more than anything. What about derrogatory racist words? What about "b*tch, wh*re, etc?" "Just Words" can escalate BIG problems.
The words "hun and sweetie" are words said out of "comfort" or out of "ease" and I guess out of love and cherishing as well. So what gives someone the right to call someone they just met these words that PEOPLE EARN from someone else?
That's just it: "Hun" and "sweetie" are words that should be earned the respect to be called that.
Suppose you started dating someone, and after the first date, you say "bye sweetie." It may not be WRONG, but it's definitely uncalled for. That person should earn his/her right to be called those gratifying names.
Am I wrong in thinking that?
Derek wrote: "First of all, since when did you control the whole dictionary and choose what words people can say and cannot say?
Second of all, is this really something you are truly upset about or do you just want to make a rant?"
I don't control anything. I have my opinion and I am debating for the challenge and for points.
And for the third and last time, I said to you twice already that this DOES NOT bother me. I just think secretly inside, that it's disrespectful. What is so hard to comprehend??
It's like if someone doesn't thank me for something I did for them. I wouldnt make a brawl out of it. I grin and bear it, but it's still DISRESPECTFUL.
Although I'm young, I like to live by the golden rule. Sorry, that's just me. You want to ask a question, you say please. You receive something, you say thank you. Simple as that.
Someone calling me something they call/called their boyfriends or girlfiriends is an act of disrespect. Intentional OR not, it doesn't matter. If someone forgets to say thank you, it more than likely wasn't intentional, but still disrespectful.
Another anaology would be: say I go over to someones house for dinner. They put my food down in front of me. I take one bite and spit it back out on the plate because either A) it was DISGUSTING or B) because it was HOT. Now, I may have did it unintentionally and more of my instinct, but it is still disrespectful to those whose house and meal it was.
I don't correlate disrespect with someone being a BAD person. I don;t think intent is relevant for an act of disrespect.
Blowing your nose on a napkin at the dinner table: disrespectful, inappropriate, but you're not a bad person for it
Burping at the dinner table: "It just came out, I'm sorry" was unintentional, but still happened all the same, so it's an act of disrespect.
Sneezing without covering your mouth: same deal
What about calling someone you know "woman" instead of using their name??
Like if I said, (as serious statement, not joking) "Hey woman, please pass me the bbq sauce." that's an act of disrespect.
See I think the problem in today's society is that everything always seems to want to encourage change with no holds barred. "We live in a different society, things are different." So does that mean you can;t thank a person for doing you a favor? Does that mean you can't wave and smile at a stranger walking by? Does that mean you can't use proper language or proper manners when speaking with someone??
"Sneezing with your mouth covered is worse than turning your head and sneezing. Sneeze on your hands. That you shake people's hands with. Touch
door knobs with. A god knows what else."
Is this the debate? What relevance is this for anything?
Quoting Sandifromlargo: "While I personally do not like to be addressed by unknown people with endearing terms, I realize IN MOST CASES they are not being disrespectful. As stated above, these are only terms or phrases used, trying to express pleasantness of the individual using them. MANY older people use terms such as those listed, because they come from a generation of closer knit communities that had people acquainted with or friendly with folks from the entire community. Places where when growing up people sort of knew everybody for blocks, neighborhoods, or miles around them. Our sense of community has changed, but the vernacular has not. As a people in general we now cultivate purely personal rather than communal acquaintances and friendships and take offense at many things that previously were acceptable"
OK PLEASE BARE WITH ME HERE....
I still think intention does not equal right or wrong, respectful/disrespectful. Someone can EASILY say something they don't MEAN, but still comes off as a disrespectful act. For example, the "N" word. (sorry, had to touch on this as I think it relates to where I'm coming from). As many of the younger generation think nothing of it and use it as a "friendly" means of communication, it is still WRONG. Because of where the word came from, no matter how you use it, intentional or not, it is still DISRESPECTFUL.
The words "sweetie" and "hun (hon)," are informal words used for comfort between two people (either in love, or in friendship). Look it up in the dictionary. I'm not going to link a page on here, if anyone wants to look it up, they can.
My question is, intention OR not, what gives someone the right to call someone something that the underlying meaning of the word is used as a "reward" so-to-speak that the ones who love you, use towards you? Do you see what I mean?
I'm called sweetie and hun by my fiancee, my mom, my aunt, etc. I've gained a certain amount of trust and love with each of the people who call me these words. Now I have a question...
What if we alter the word a bit, and say sweetHEART instead of sweetIE?? Does this change things? If it does, then why? It's "JUST" a word, right? ...right?!!!
I'm sure anyones spouse, fiancee, bf/gf would LOVE to hear a random stranger say "Thank you SWEETHEART." No, it's wrong and disrespectful. Sorry, it just is.
I may nitpick this to death, but whether it bothers me or not, words have full authority to be disrespectful if misused.